Monday, 21 March 2011

Jokes

Such a pleasant email . . . .

cid:1.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.comHave you ever been just sitting there and all of a sudden you feel like doing something nice for someone you care for? THAT'S GOD talking to you through the Holy Spirit..

Have you ever been down and out and nobody seems to be around for you to talk to? THAT'S GOD wanting you to talk to Him.
cid:2.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.com
Have you ever received something wonderful that you didn't even ask for, ? THAT'S GOD knowing the desires of your heart.

cid:3.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.comHave you ever been in a situation and you had no clue how it was going to get better, how the hurting would stop, how the pain would ease, but now you look back on it.. ?
cid:4.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.comTHAT'S GOD passing us through tribulation to see a brighter day.



cid:5.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.comDo you think that this e-mail was accidentally sent to you?
cid:6.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.comKeep this going.. You have no idea which one of Your e-mail buddies could use a little hope today

Dear God...

cid:7.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.com
I know you're watching over me
And I'm feeling truly blessed
For no matter what I pray for
You always know what's best!

I have this circle of E-mail friends, Who mean a lot to me;
Some days I 'send' and 'send,'
At other times, I let them be.

cid:8.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.com

I am so blessed to have these friends,
With whom I've grown so close;
So this little poem I dictate to them,
Because to me they are the 'Most'!

cid:9.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.com
When I see each name download,
And view the message they've sent;
I know they've thought of me that day,
And 'well wishes' were their intent.

cid:10.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.com
So to you, my friends, I would like to say,
Thank you for being a part;
Of all my daily contacts,
This comes right from my heart.

cid:11.3011696190@web46114.mail.sp1.yahoo.com
God bless you all is my prayer today,
I'm honored to call you 'friend';
I pray God will keep you safe,
Until we write again.

Two little boys

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively
mischievous. They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew all about it.

If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys
were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had
been successful in disciplining children, so she asked
If he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them
Individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first,
in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher
in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat
The younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you
know where God is, son?'

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no
response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth
Hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even
Sterner tone, 'Where is God?'

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The
Preacher raised his voice even more and shook
his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, 'Where
is God?'

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran
directly home and dove into his closet, slamming
the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet,
he asked, 'What happened?'

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
'We are in BIG trouble this time,'

'GOD is missing, and they
think we did it!'

TIME MACHINE

Barak Obama and David Cameron are shown a time
machine which can see 100 years into the future.

They both decide to test it by asking a question
each.

Barak goes first.

“What will the USA be like in 100 years time”

The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action
and gives him a printout, he reads it out "The
country is in good hands under the new president,
crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the
economy is healthy. There are no worries”

David thinks “Its not bad this time machine, I'll
have a bit of that” so he asks

“What will Great Britain be like in 100 years
time?”

The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action,
and he gets a printout.
But he's just staring at it.

“Come on David” says Barak, “What does it say”

David replies,

“Buggered if I know ! It's all in Arabic!”

Tap on the Shoulder

A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times .

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for
Salford
station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently
tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.


The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a
bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a

large plate window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then,
the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry
, but you

scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said,
"I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would
startle someone so badly
."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's
entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."